Parent Actions & Resources

Helping Your Child on the Journey Toward BMitzvah

Parents already have a big role in their child’s preparation for BMitzvah. You have been providing a foundation for your child’s journey through their years of learning at home and in the synagogue, through your modeling of Jewish life, and values by bringing them to NVHC to be part of our Kehillat Limmud (community of learners). Here are some additional ideas to help your child and your family prepare:

• Take an interest in what they are learning.  Ask them what they are studying in religious school. Let them read to you, or listen to them chanting. If your memory is fuzzy, let them refresh it. If this is all new to you, let them teach you! We periodically offer classes for parents, in parallel learning to our students on Sunday mornings, about preparing for BMitzvah, or to learn more about Jewish life, prayer, and values.
• Help create time for practicing.  For most students, learning Hebrew and to chant Torah and Haftarah are not skills that come easily. Like many things in life, learning takes practice, patience, and persistence. Weekly sessions at Torah Corps are a key beginning; that learning needs ongoing reinforcement at home. We recommend 15-20 minutes of daily practice. If it is easier, this can be broken down into 5 or 10 minute sessions throughout the day. Brainstorm with your child how they can make time for practice: in the car, while you are cooking or cleaning the kitchen, when they need a break from other homework, etc.
• Connect with others.  Be in touch with other parents, as you are all sharing a similar journey!  We have many parents in our community with wisdom to share. Look for social or learning opportunities with other parents. Contact the Director of Congregational Learning for a class roster and the Youth Engagement and Education Committee Chair for access to our spreadsheet of vendors for party planning.
• Learn with other parents.  Our BMitzvah Parents Class class is offered periodically for parents of students who will become BMitzvah in the months (and even years). In five sessions, the class discusses the meaning of this life cycle event and the mitzvah of celebrating Shabbat, provides information about your responsibilities and the sequence of your child’s preparation, and explains the structure of the worship service and the Reform siddur. The class blends structured teaching, practical advice, and shared experiences. The goal is to make the BMitzvah a deeply meaningful experience for the whole family and to perpetuate the spirit of Jewish community and tradition. Past experience has shown that the sessions helped parents to feel better prepared, to have an opportunity to talk with other pre-BMitzvah parents and have exposed them to the traditions and liturgy involved in this life cycle event.

Parenting Your Jewish Teenager

When parents are asked about why they want their child to become a BMitzvah, many will mention carrying on a family tradition, or wanting their child to have a strong Jewish identity, or wanting their child to be grounded in Jewish values. For many, the specific skills associated with the BMitzvah milestone (e.g., familiarity with the prayer service and chanting Torah) are secondary to the bigger question of what it means to live as a Jewish adult in the modern world. Your child’s understanding of what their Judaism means to them will surely evolve as they mature. Parents can help them along the way. Here are some suggestions:

• Model Judaism as a lifelong journey.  Show your teen that you are still learning. Let them know about the things that you are curious about. Take a class, read a book, share articles or videos that challenge your thinking. Talk about what Shabbat means to you, say Kaddish together, talk about how current events relate to your Jewish values. By teaching and modeling that Judaism is a living, evolving tradition that they can engage with beyond the synagogue walls, you are helping them form a Jewish identity for a lifetime.

• Normalize questioning. The transition to adulthood is fraught with questioning. It is normal for teens to challenge Jewish beliefs or practices. Welcome the challenge. Share your own questions. Let them know that questions are a critical part of Jewish faith and practice. “I don’t know” is a perfectly good starting place. Work together to explore answers.  We have millenia of history questioning God, our leaders, and the world around us. Our sacred texts are full of debate. Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it can be the beginning of deeper understanding.

• Show them how Judaism connects to their passions and values.  Help your teen find Jewish angles in the things they’re passionate about: music, sports, social justice, nature, mental health, science. Talk to them about Jewish values that are important to you: repairing the world (tikkun olam), caring for the sick, caring for the environment, welcoming the stranger, pursuing justice, among many other values.

• Encourage them to make Jewish friends.  In the teenage years, friends shape identity more than anything. Help them connect with their Jewish peers and NVHC and elsewhere. Encourage them to participate not only in religious school activities, but also in youth groups. These can become stepping stones to connecting with Hillel at colleges, or other various organizations after high school.

• Embrace Jewish diversity.  There is no one right way to be Jewish. Judaism isn’t “one size fits all.” Attend services at different synagogues. Find families with different Jewish traditions. Explore online communities representing diverse viewpoints. Show them that being Jewish has many authentic expressions.